Why I am NOT a girlfriend material

Some of my articles are sweet and nice, others cut straight to the point and bring you truths you may not want to hear but could really benefit from. This article is the latter.

I am an independent girl — emotionally, financially and spiritually. I am career-oriented and fitness is my lifestyle. I make my own decisions. The guys who dated me called my overly ambitious. I have my goals defined. I am a woman with a lot of pride, a lot of heart and more perseverance. In between in between the goals are a thing called life that needs to be lived and enjoyed. I swear by the lines of Sheryl Sandburg here — I want every little girl who’s told she’s bossy to be told instead that she has leadership skills.

I believe in metrics a lot. Life should be balanced between rest days and hard working days. As the saying goes — An idle mind is to a devil’s workshop. Hence, I love constantly pushing myself away from my comfort zone with new hobbies, switching among my passions, learning new stuff, adventure and reading books. I believe that being different is a good thing. Well, it’s being honestly awesome. It’s our little quirks that make us unique and awesome.

It’s harder than ever these days to be confident and totally happy with yourself — how can we when we’re all addicted to our phones and being flooded with perfectly curated images of other women living these seemingly perfect lives. And then there are the dating apps making it easier and harder than ever to settle down. Get to know yourself. Get in tune with your thoughts and emotions. Express yourself. There is nothing quite as beautiful as an individual who is passionate about living life, their way. Some girls out there deserve a — ”Will you marry me?” rather than the unconventional love you!

It’s tough out there but it doesn’t have to be. Be real with yourself and try to identify the reason why you can’t attract the kind of relationship you want. People who are insecure or have an agenda when entering into a relationship usually fail to get the relationship to go anywhere because they can’t truly connect. The reason is they are so stuck in their own heads, consumed by their worried thoughts, that they can’t possibly form a genuine connection with someone else.

You can’t connect with someone who isn’t there. If you are only engaging with your own worried thoughts, you can’t possibly connect with him on a real level so it’s no surprise that things will quickly fizzle out. A damage case will never see you as girlfriend material because he finds something wrong with everyone. At the same time, women who go after damage cases usually have a fair degree of damage of their own. Stay away from jerks. At first, they seem good. But moving on they control your life by saying — Dont do this, don't do that and you will end up merely being a puppet all your life and regret when it's too late.

Don’t be that girl who thinks all she has to do is love him hard enough and then he’ll come around. You want a partner, not a project. You want someone who can handle his life, not someone you need to fix. Seeing a guy as a fixer-upper is how co-dependent and toxic relationships begin. If you can’t ever seem to get the relationship you want, it’s time to look at the kinds of guys you’re going after. Sometimes, it is not worth the fight. You know your worth and your values, do not let anyone or any situation control who you are.

The most important factor when it comes to having a love that lasts is being in a good place internally. Once you’re there, then some of it comes down to timing and luck. But you can’t always control these things. The only thing you can control is yourself. Make sure you are at your best, that you’ve worked through your issues, that you feel good about who you are and are confident you will find a man who really sees and appreciates you. There are humans who will sweep you off your feet because they are just so awesome. Be double sure that you spend your time with one such person. You deserve someone who’s sure about you. Don’t settle for someone who sees you as “good enough”. Being confident and believing in your own self-worth is necessary to achieving your potential. So don't lower your standards for anyone.

P.S. I will leave you with a thought to ponder on, yet again by Sheryl Sandburg —

“I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is.”