Super Women v1.0
“Hunt or be hunted” sounds great. There’s always been the pressure of meeting someone I desire for. We never take the pressure off ourselves. Instead, we continuously turn-up the pressure. It’s what keeps us alert and active in every situation.
We have been raised to be strong independent women. Not every men can handle a strong women. Dreams and hopes needs similarities when it comes to a relationship. Certain secrets needs to be carried with each other. We love when someone remembers something we told them a long time ago.
There are both pros and cons of being single. We do value our alone time. Don’t you ever feel physically tired from your thoughts alone? I do at times when there’s a rush of thoughts jumping from one to another when I am trying to fall asleep. I always recall the words from by dearest friend, Jithesh Janardhanan — “What you lack is self motivation to search and learn things yourself. Fix that and no one can stop you.”
Throughout my life, I’ve always had someone by my side. That someone has shifted between my parents, sister, best friends, and boyfriends. Many people who know me tell me they admire my “independent” trait. As much as I would like to be seen as a strong, independent woman, sometimes I question that characterisation.
Am I “independent” if I always keep someone there alongside me? If I’m not forced to (as I may be in work-related situations), I would rather have a “security blanket” around me than face anxiety I feel in strange situations. So I default to finding that someone or a “partner-in-crime” of sorts to be there with me. If that’s the case, what does that say about me as an “independent” person?
I discovered myself while I was hunting for someone special. Of course, there were nights when all my roommates would be out with their boyfriends and I’d be alone binge watching either GoT or FRIENDS and eating successive bowls of cereal until 3 in the morning. After a while it gets a little lonely and you start to wonder if anybody out there can match your weirdness, though.
Getting back to what I mentioned earlier — I realised that who I’m looking for was much more important than what. I was checking my age and telling myself that I wasn’t getting any younger. I had the same feeling Rachel Green had during her 30th birthday even thought I haven’t reached my 30’s yet (wink). It doesn’t help when you feel like you aren’t meeting a lot of people, but trying to speed up the process just because you don’t want to be alone will actually set you back. The worse was when my juniors found their soul mates and were happy married with their childhood sweethearts and I am here left with no clue of who would I spend my life with!
I tried to be optimistic about the circumstances and started exploring my interests from Zumba, Aerobics, Dance, Writing, Swimming and currently it’s been Gymnastics. I have made mistakes while learning each one of them. At times, I forgot the choreography! All I learnt was — “If you stumble, make it a part of your dance”. The question is when we can control our thoughts, why can’t we control our body?
Who knows? Perhaps by carving out my own path, new doors will open, hopefully.
I am an organised person. I have an OCD for things. I am particular about the temperature of my coffee. I have a checklist for every occasion — trip, home, shopping or a walk. My perspective starts chronologically and ends with a prioritised list which is updated.
I am a very private person yet I am an open book. If you do not ask, I will not tell. My interests recently has moved from buying those pretty high heels towards Urban dance shoes and hiking! Girls never stop experimenting with styles, looks or hair. Make sure you compliment her in every outfit of hers :) I wish to spend my life with people who even make going to the grocery store an adventure. In the end, we all just want someone that chooses us over everyone else, under any circumstances.
Girls are not a complicated material, we love gestures. They just need a companion to just hold hands and talk about the present and plan the future. In order to create beautiful music, you just have to feel the notes as you go along. Do your little dance holding her and have faith whenever you look at each other. Why ignore her when you can adore her?
At some point, I hope to build a life with somebody else I can call my long-term partner. Before I do that, though, I want to be comfortable with me. I want to be Alone and Happy. But not lonely.
P.S. I wish to go home every day knowing that he is the one I waited for!
